My Identity

Through my two years in college, I have learned so much about myself. I never was able to explore who I was or could be at home because my parents provided a hateful and dangerous space around me. Even though I hate being at school, it gave me the opportunity to find and accept different aspects of myself.

1. I have embraced in the fact that I am a person of color and I learned so much about what that means. Looking back at my past, I never really got to stand up for myself when I was discriminated or made fun of because of my race. I got thrown into stereotypes and emotionally and verbally attacked because I am Asian. I had white people teach me what being Filipino is, whether we are Asian or Pacific Islander. But my college professor, Stewart, asked me, “Well what do you want to be? How do you want to be identified?” I never had someone ask me what I wanted to be or choose to be. I can now confidently say I am Asian and not take the crap I get from others who do not understand what that means.

2. I have accepted that I have been diagnosed with OCD. It has grown worse through senior year and my years in college. I have been trying to fight against it, but I just learned to live with it. It is so much relieving now that I know what it is and what I can do to live my life normally. I also know there are others like me out there and knowing that I am not alone. I will be in control of my mental illness.

3. I identify as a pansexual individual. After being away from home, I was able to explore more in my sexual identity and embrace it. I have known this since I was a kid that I leaned in all different directions with people. I choose who I love regardless of who they are. Yes, I am happily in love with my boyfriend, but if my life was different and without him, I would continue to explore further. Being in a home where my parents discriminate and hate the LGBTQ community, I had to suppress all my emotions and thoughts for most of my life. My dad said if he found out, say for example, I was with a woman, he would throw me out onto the streets and that I am no longer his daughter. He told me the LGBTQ community doesn’t deserve rights, but he does not know that I am apart of that community. Only my boyfriend and my friend know this piece about me, but now I am sharing it with the world. I have learned to accept this part of myself and I love it so much.

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