I am sitting at my computer and I have this urge to write, but I have no theme or topic to write about.
Well I guess I could write about my view on making friends since it has been on my mind these past few days.
I only have a handful of friends who are actively involved in my life. I probably have at least 8 friends or less. That is a small number, it is not necessarily bad, but lately I have been meaning to branch out of my small group and meet new people. However, there are a few things stopping me from doing so.
- I have social anxiety. I literally shun myself away whenever there are new people over at my apartment or just someone introducing me to a new person. I can’t keep a conversation nor am I interesting when someone first encounters me. I am just so scared of people. I stutter and I just shut down completely.
- I get tired easily in a social gathering. I don’t know why, but whenever I hang out with friends and actively talking with them, I start to space out and want to go lay in bed. I get so exhausted quickly that I suddenly am quiet in the middle of a conversation. I am also very lazy to actually meet up with my friends to go out. I literally dread it sometimes because I exhaust myself from overthinking things and so on.
- I am scared to trust people. I know I should take the chance because I will never know till I try, but just so much shit has happened to me before that I am terrified to trust someone new.
I will be starting my third year in college and I need new friends. I will be living in my own room and sharing an apartment with new housemates. I hope they are good to me and hopefully some wonderful things could come out of it. There are so many benefits to meeting new people and lately, I have been feeling quite lonely so I need to branch out and not have my cat be the only friend I have.