The Darkest of Times

These past few weeks have taken a major toll on my mental health. So much has happen within a span of 4 weeks and I feel like the world is about to end. The life I had has drastically changed and I keep spiraling down the rabbit hole.

I broke up with Anthony at the beginning of Fall quarter. My feelings for him changed and I no longer had the strength to keep fighting. We are just too busy for a relationship and since we live so far apart, it was just too much to handle. I was no longer in love with him. I wanted to feel certain things and I could not do it while being in a relationship with him. I could not drag him down with me. He was an amazing boyfriend and I wish he will find someone who can love him and cherish him better than I ever could.

After the break up, my father ended up in the hospital. He was having increased heart beats which almost led to heart failure. It was a scary roller coaster and the future was so uncertain. With all that was happening with Anthony, my dad, college, and my financial crisis, I slipped back into depression. It was waiting for me this entire time.

Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and go to school. I don’t do my work anymore nor do I make any attempt to do the things I love. I hate drawing, reading, and writing in my journal. I hate eating, showering, and drinking tea. All the things that once brought me joy is now a dread. I keep falling deeper and deeper within the void inside me. I am my own worse enemy. I started going back to therapy and my therapist recommended to start me on anti-depressants….

I am just stuck in limbo and I am overwhelmed with this numbing feeling. Once I am alone, I am alone with my own darkness.

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