When you open yourself to someone, you become vulnerable and you pray that the person you tell your deepest, darkest secrets to doesn’t break your heart. I still believe in the goodness of people, but someone took my sadness and my kindness to their advantage. He made me feel weak and used. And what is worse is that he does not care that he walked all over me and pretended that he did not do anything. How can someone be so cruel?
He was aware of my depression and how everyday for me was a struggle. All I wanted was a friend, someone to be there for me. I was there for him whenever he needed me, but he never did the same for me. He would say, “Oh I am too tired to talk to you, if it isn’t important then it can wait.” But everything was important. I thought you were my friend, but I guess I was too eager to have a new friend that I did not realize soon enough that you were using me. I was too caught up in my own sadness that I could not see how he was dragging me further into the darkness. How he was trying to throw me into the abyss once he was done using me to his advantage. I was a fool. How could I be so stupid? I guess with my depression, I did not care how I was treated during that time. I refused to see this.
Realizing what he was doing to me, I confronted him about his cruelness and of him taking advantage of me. He would be give his half-ass apologies and his famous sarcastic line: “Oh yeah, for sure,” as if he was actually listening to me. I knew he was not listening because he continued to go behind my back and use my things in the apartment that we lived in. He has broken into my room and stolen my things, abandoned my cat when he was supposed to be taking care of him, ate all my food in the apartment and never offered to give me grocery money, doesn’t do his chores or clean after himself, made myself and my friend write his essay, bitches about every little thing involving my cat, and he takes hour long showers so he can jack off in the bath tub.
I have told him before that this my home too that we shared. It is just not him living there. I wasn’t a servant cleaning up after his messes or his mother reminding him to do his chores.
What hurts the most is that he knew I liked him, and he used that to his advantage. He fed on my attention and constantly looked for my approval. He acted as if he liked me and we could have been something more. I thought he wanted me and looking back now, he was a good actor. He would date other girls and rub it in my face all the time. He knew I wanted us to be more. He was charming, charismatic, and kind at first that I could not see the selfish asshole behind the mask.
I hated him for using me. For taking advantage of me and my body. He is a rich white privileged asshole who felt he was entitled to the things that belonged to me. No one in college is looking to be your friend and you are not this great person that you seem to picture yourself. Your guitar skills are shit and so is your essay writing. You are nothing but a freeloader who uses his daddy’s money for drugs and concert tickets.
Why pretend to treat me as if we are still the best of friends? Do not ask me how my day was going or how my classes are because I know you don’t care. You are just waiting for me to ask you something so you can talk about yourself, which you do 100% of time when we did talk.
Go fuck yourself.
I hope the university kicks you out for your shit grades and lack of intelligence. Because if you are still here in the winter, then I am going to fight like hell to have you leave my home.
And I will make your life a living hell because I can be a monster too.